SBC Ice Cream Cookoff?

This is 4 days worth of email that went through the whole church email distribution list... cracked me UP all week!
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The Porfily have challenged the Spencers that they (Porfily) have a better tasting homemade ice cream recipe than the Spencers. The challenge was answered and the date for the cook off set for this Sunday June 12th Evening after Bible Study. We need beside the Spencer and Porfily Ice Cream makers, we need other people to bring their mixes and ingredients. The mixing will start at 5:30 and eating at 7. Some people could bring fresh Strawberries and others some cake that would go good with homemade Ice Cream. Rumor has it that the Spencers are already making excuses for their recipe as they are unable to find some real old fashion cow’s cream for their tasteless recipe. So if you have a mixer please bring it to make upf for them lowly life Spenscers. See you there.

Signed: The world greatest Homemade ice cream maker

When no response was given, this followed:

Fellow Church Members The Homemade Ice Cream cook off contestants are having some issues. 1st Shirley Porfily pressuring her husband to apologize to the Spenser for calling them low life- thus he ask them to accept his apology. 2ndly the Porfily are having trouble finding one of the secret ingredient to their very old family recipe. They are hoping that it still being produced. No one has reported if the Spencers have found some old fashion real cow’s cream. To find out the end to this story you will have to come Sunday evening to Bible study 6 PM and then the contest results at 7 PM. The reports coming in is that the Spensers don’t stand a chance if the Porfily find the scarce secret ingredient.
Signed The World GreatestHomemade Ice Cream Maker

Then I HAD to respond:
WOW! How do you have time to type such novels?
Bill- the secret ingredient that you are looking for is the little brown pile under the rose bush in your front yard. Feel free to use as much as you'd like. ;)
Shirley- Thanks for making him apologize for dragging the unblemished Spencer name through the mud. Apology almost all the way accepted.
Everyone else- IT'S ON! Recipe has been found, secret ingredients have been compiled, and you are in for a treat from the Spencers. You won't even need to try Porfily's excuse for homemade ice cream... the winning ice cream will be handed to you in a paper bowl with a plastic spoon on Sunday night at 7. Be there or be square!
Cherilyn

Then this came across the wire:
Fellow Church Members and Ice Cream eaters The Porfily have found the scarce secret ingredient, however it is expensive, that will enable them to Kick the Spencer bottoms in the cook off. Spencers don’t stand a chance. It been reported that Mr. Spencer has been seen hanging around the ice cream freezers at the local grocery store; someone even spotted him at the Dairy Cream in Hermiston. Do you think he is maybe trying to sneak in some cheap commercial made stuff to the cook off.
Cherilyn, the member of the Spencers Family that made the challenge for the Home Made Ice Cream Contest, has reported that her pet female lama, Fuggy, has become sick. This probably means she will not be able to attend the cook off.
The cook off committee is suspicious of her ( no one know she had a Lama) excuse thus are asking Church Member and Elder Dr. Veterinary Dan Vanderstelt to call her and offer his service on her supposedly sick Fuggy. If the fact are know she is a poor loser thus not wanting to go down in defeat at the cook off.
Lin Spencer, the most trusted of the Spencer Clan, has tried to spin a tale and scare the Porfily with a face book hack that the Spencers have made recently, some supreme homemade vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries. I thought better of her, but it funny what people will do to gain fame and fortune. If you have an Ice Cream Maker, a good recipe and the makings, please bring them to the Cook Off. Other People need to bring cake or fresh Strawberries. Remember you must attend Bible Study at 6 PM to get a pass in to the Cook OFF Eating at 7 PM. The Ice Cream Making starts at 5:30 PM.
This probably will be the last report on the Cook Off so see you there!!!! Signed The World GreatestIce Cream Maker

And then the veterinarian:
...............Notes from veterinary record of Dan Vander Stelt DVM --- June 11, 2011.
Examined Fuggy, a 4-year old white and brown female, domestic llama at 9am. Depressed and lethargic on physical exam. Gut sounds absent. Febrile. Took blood for CBC and serum chemistry and poop for a parasite evaluation. Suspect Foul-Play. Poisoning?????? SignedThe World's Greatest Veterinarian :)

And finally from my mom:
Poooor Fuuggghhhyy . . . I wonder if a llama-sized bowl of ice cream would help that depression? (Always works for me:)
So Bill, you didn't like being facebooked? I was just trying to be friendly. But my oh my! Where were my manners? I should have invited you over and shared our best homemade vanilla icecream ever topped with fresh picked Finley strawberries. Uh oh, it's all gone now :( Guess you'll have to wait till Sunday. But we'll make extra then 'cause I'm sure you'll want a 2nd helping.
Best regards, I'm sure, Lin for the Spencer team.